We often wonder why it’s so much easier to notice our unhappiness than moments of happiness. In part, our brains are hardwired to protect us from perceived danger. It’s how we survived our caveman days and stayed alive. We were always on the lookout for wild animals, enough food, bad weather, and safe shelter. And while our physical survival is much less difficult now, we are constantly reminded about how scary the world can be, how we could improve or have more stuff, and basically that our life could be better.
We also instinctively self-protect emotionally because we don’t want to feel heartache, disappointment, or failure. Our instinctual self-protection makes it easier to recognize what’s wrong at the expense of acknowledging what’s right.
Studies even show that people who consider themselves mostly happy and those who consider themselves mostly unhappy experience about the same amount of happy and Happiness Zapper experiences. Therefore, how we manage our Happiness Zappers is a big factor in determining our overall happiness or unhappiness.
Many Happiness Zappers are common experiences: the death of a loved one, arguments with our kids, or health challenges that require lifestyle changes. Yet other Happiness Zappers are personal. One person might get annoyed with traffic jams and someone else might see them as opportunities to listen to their favorite podcasts. Happiness Zappers, like happiness, are unique to each of us.
When we’ve been drained by a Happiness Zapper, our emotions can range from frustration to anger to heartache. These feelings often appear bigger than any of the happiness we experience. They lower our vibe, which then changes how we feel and what we attract and create.
The biggest remedy for when you experience Happiness Zappers is to manage them so that you can feel better, even if it’s just for a short moment. To add a little fun to managing Happiness Zappers, I think of it as creating a ZAP-MAP: a Zapper Management Action Plan, which we discuss in more detail later in this chapter.
Zappers that Can Detract from Moments of Happiness
The specific causes for Happiness Zappers vary, yet the common experiences can be put into these five categories: unhappiness, stress, fear, chaos, and annoyances.
Unhappiness is most often connected to loss when we must create a new normal over time. The death of someone or a pet we loved is the ultimate loss. Yet other losses redefine our lives, too: unwanted career changes, health challenges, friend or family conflicts, and other normal, expected, or even unexpected life changes.
Stress is when we feel pressure or tension from things that require a response from us that can impact us mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Fear creates a physiological change that influences our behavior when we are actually threatened by a dangerous situation or we believe something may threaten our physical or emotional safety in the future.
Chaos happens when things are in disarray, unorganized, and confusing.
Annoyances are when someone or something irritates or bothers us to the point that our mood is adversely affected.
Take Note of Moments-of-Happiness Zappers
Managing our Happiness Zappers begins when we think about them a little differently.
Identify one or more Happiness Zappers from each zapper category you have experienced in the last 24 hours. If you have not experienced one for a particular category in that time, then list your most recent Happiness Zapper experience for that category. Try to include a different experience for each category.
Obviously, you may experience more than one Happiness Zapper at the same time for the same situation. For example, when your alarm doesn’t go off and you start your morning late, getting yourself and your family ready for the day may be both chaotic and stressful. Yet ultimately the situation creates only brief chaos that you can manage pretty quickly, although the stress from that moment may linger.
ZAP-MAP: Management Action Plan Tip
• When we know someone who’s unhappy, the best thing we can do is listen.
• When we’re unhappy, the best thing we can do is find someone who’ll listen to us.
• When was a time that you felt better when you shared an unhappy experience but didn’t receive advice?
• When was a time that you only listened to someone who was in the middle of an unhappy experience without trying to fix it?
• What other actions have you taken to manage unhappiness?
This excerpt is from Pamela Gail Johnson’s new book, “Practical Happiness: Four Principles to Improve Your Life.” Reprinted with permission from Health Communications, Inc.
About the Author
Pamela Gail Johnson founded the Society of Happy People in 1998, created the first three globally celebrated happiness holidays, and is the author of Practical Happiness: Four Principles to Improve Your Life. She was an award-winning salesperson for American Express and Staples, and now helps leaders and teams create happier workplace cultures. Visit her website at SOHP.com.